“More Than a Number: Struggling, Surviving, and Still Believing”

Hey guys. It's been awhile since I've posted anything. It's been a "disordered" few months for me. I've been dealing with some loss, some change and reacclimation that I've been struggling to navigate.

Contributing to my blog has taken a back seat to me just TRYING to "figure things out" and get through a day in here.

Some people who know me have been encouraging me to "write a book". For YEARS my sister has been saying, "Jeffrey you should write a book." I've often thought she and those who say that, figure if I had something to do, I'd call less and leave them alone:/

Actually, if I have a "talent", it's in my ability to communicate. I enjoy the art of communication and we tend to be good at what we enjoy. Having said that, I have ZERO interest in writing a book. My personality is not compatible for something like that. I'll do my little blogs and podcast style interviews and hope to grab the interest of a few people in the process. My sister has said that maybe a collection of my blogs will be the book.

Many of you all out there probably think being in prison gives one an abundance of time to just do as they wish. And sure, I don't have the responsibilities and the demands on my life to navigate that many of you out there have. I can see how many people get caught up and overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of their lives and would give anything to be able to kick back and just have NOTHING to do. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in prison how difficult it can be in here to budget the same 24 hours of the day we all have in this life to manage. "Doing time" in and of itself is time consuming. I aspire to be productive in here but it's sometimes difficult for me.

One of the obstacles for me "writing a book" is WHAT in God's name would I write about? My life is so boring and frankly so depressing. It's hard to believe anyone would want to read about it. One of my all time favorite TV shows is "Seinfeld". Those who are familiar with the show will remember it was infamously known to be "a show about nothing". I've thought how maybe I could borrow that concept and write a book about "NOBODY". After 26 years in prison that has reduced me to a state number and a distant thought to a handful of people, I'd say that describes me fairly well. Who is Jeffrey Shortal? Nobody. A collection of sad stories, bad decisions and some shitty luck. At least that's how I feel a lot of the time. If I was a singer/song writer, I'm SURE my genre would be the blues:/

l've struggled how to best utilize this platform. I don't really know who are my

"readers" and what are your interests. What has brought you to this space and specifically to my website?

My agenda with this space has always been about trying to get help for my release.

Telling my story about how I've suffered a

"miscarriage of justice" and blah blah blah has become so redundant. I'm afraid most of my blog entries all sound the same. If I haven't told you all how many years l've been incarcerated a thousand times, I haven't mentioned it once. It's just SO HARD for me to fathom at times...where have the years gone? How have I managed to get to where I am today? How have I survived? Where is the justice in the time l've spent in prison?

I think suffering alone or suffering in silence intensifies the pain. Being alone and feeling alone in here is the ultimate punishment for me. Being sentenced to serve time in prison is the cruellest of punishments. I would preter corporal punishment to being "given time".

!. Because really when you think about how our justice system works, convicted felons aren't "given" time. Actually, Itime is taken away and all that comes with it. Life is lived in the seconds, minutes and hours of a day. When you are in prison these segments of time to live life are taken away. What I've lost in the last 26 years is so much more than the time...l've lost the experiences that was supposed to be lived within those segments. Now at 57 years old 1 am reminded every day how much I've lost and subsequently how much less time I have lett to live and to experience life in the segments that remain.

In June I lost a relationship that has devastated me. I think I've figured out that our relationships might be the only thing we take with us when we leave this life. As a Christian, I believe a relationship with Jesus allows us to live beyond this life. I believe God intends for us to take our relationships with us. I've lost loved ones to death over the years. And I've lost people to circumstances. Sadly my mother passed away a couple years ago. But I had a relationship with my mom when she died that transcends death. Death didn't end the relationship. Death hasn't come between us.

I miss her but I didn't lose her. Our relationship remains. The relationship | lost in June was destroyed because of betrayal.

Someone I loved and cared for over half my life betrayed me in a way that has made me wonder if I ever even knew this person? The relationship was destroyed, that person lost.

Love makes us so vulnerable. I'm fine with being vulnerable in order to experience love and all that comes with it. But when someone you loved and you thought loved you destroys you so viciously and so deliberately it makes you question everything you thought was real. I live in prison surrounded by cruelty and selfishness and the worst of people.

Nothing I've experienced in my life has prepared me to deal with the pain this one person has caused me through betrayal. It's been very difficult for me. I've had to suffer this loss alone and with very few heathy coping options. Just TRYING to make sense of it has been impossible. I'm hoping that by expressing my loss and the pain that has come with it will help me heal. God knows I need it.relationship remains. The relationship I lost in June was destroyed because of betrayal.

Someone I loved and cared for over half my life betrayed me in a way that has made me wonder if I ever even knew this person? The relationship was destroyed, that person lost.

Love makes us so vulnerable. I'm fine with being vulnerable in order to experience love and all that comes with it. But when someone you loved and you thought loved you destroys you so viciously and so deliberately it makes you question everything you thought was real. I live in prison surrounded by cruelty and selfishness and the worst of people.

Nothing I've experienced in my life has prepared me to deal with the pain this one person has caused me through betrayal. It's been very difficult for me. I've had to suffer this loss alone and with very tew heathy coping options. Just TRYING to make sense of it has been impossible. I'm hoping that by expressing my loss and the pain that has come with it will help me heal. God knows I need it.

In July I got transferred to a different prison.

It's been a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings for me. I have been "fighting" with the Vadoc for many years to allow me

In July I got transferred to a different prison.

It's been a roller coaster of thoughts and to move forward from a bad decision I made 20 years ago. As many of you know, I escaped from custody while on a medical transportation run 20 yrs ago. The disciplinary consequences of my actions that day have been severe. I've spent the last two decades in max security housing.

Including 5 years in solitary confinement.

You'd think with experience like this, I would have learned to "be alone". Actually, I think because of my experience in here I crave love, friendship, companionship even more. l've spent the last 26 years clinging to the life and the connection I had before I was arrested. Trying desperately to get back to the life | lost so many years ago.

The Vadoc has seemingly carried a grudge against me since I did what I did. Ironically, what I did I did for help. It was a very misguided attempt to bring attention to my circumstances in hopes of "getting help".

Obviously, THAT didn't work out the way I thought it might or rather hoped it would. So for years since my incident the Vadoc has kept me from progressing to lower security level housing. Despite the fact I've been a model inmate for the last 20 years. Who ever said, "life is fair"? It's not. Life will teach us that lesson.

I had to file a grievance to try and win the right l've earned to get to a lower security level. Believe it or not, my grievance was successful and I was informed in July I would be transferred to a lower security level prison. GREAT NEWS!

I was transferred to Pocahontas

Correctional Center on July 15th. WHAT an ordeal being transferred is when you are an inmate. Each prison has a property department. The prison I was leaving called me to property the day before and "packed up" all my belongings into cardboard boxes. 26 years in prison and everything I owed fit into 2 boxes. It's humbling. My stuff consists of some books, assorted paper work, some personal clothing, hygiene items and commissary food items. My 13" flat screen TV and my most valued possession my tablet which contains all my music :/ I love my music!

On the morning of July 15th I was called to intake and as per policy now given a drug test. All prisons now are required to give urine drug tests to inmates transferring from a prison and upon arrival to a prison. After that you're stripped, dressed out in a transfer jumpsuit and then handcuffed and shackled. I had no way of knowing when the guards at River North put me in handcuffs and shackles at 9:30am on a Tuesday morning it would be 12 hours later before the guards at Pocahontas wouldn't be taking them off. I almost have a panic attack just thinking about that day and the general experience of being transferred as an inmate. It's inhumane! It really is. I know there are people out there who probably think we have it too good in here. That's debatable. I know there is a famous quote that I can't remember exactly but it says something along the lines of, "the civility of a society can be measured by how well they treat their prisoners." There are times in here when I would give ANYTHING to see a senator, congressman, the governor or even a normal everyday citizen experience some of what an inmate goes through.

Transportation events and most meals are times I wish the pubic could witness. It's something you would have to experience to appreciate or even begin to understand.

I have big wrists and a wide frame.

Handcuffs literally DIG into my skin and bruise my bones after just a few hours.

Being bound up like that for 12 hours is excruciatingly painful for me. The stress and the strain it puts on my wrists, shoulders and back is the worst. I know I know there are some reading this thinking, "What's the baby gonna do?" and "Stop crying you big pussy!" hahaha I know it sounds like I'm whining but hey I'm trying to "share" this experience. The "discomfort" or even the length of time in handcuffs and shackles wasn't even the worst thing on this particular day. Nor was the fact they didn't feed us anything all day! No water no nothing! It was the HEAT! July 15th was a brutality hot day and 16 of us were stuck in a van with no A/C for HOURS while we waited on another bus of inmates that had broken down. We has no windows, no air, no water, no A/C! The guards offered no solution. They claimed there was nothing they could do. We sat in that van idling for hours with what seemed like heat blowing through the vents. I saw grown men, gang members literally crying...l can only say, but by the grace of God no one died that day. I struggled to breathe. Each breath felt like taking a breath under water. I had sweat so much I was sitting in a pool of my own sweat. Just thinking about that experience that day gives me anxiety. It is such a helpless feeling. Especially, when you beg and plead with another human being for some reliet and they seem to diminish your humanity by being so indifferent. I thought I was going to die in the back of that van and it really wouldn't have mattered if I did.

That's kinda how you begin to feel about yourself. Where does your value come from if no one seems to value you?

They promised us a meal and something to drink when we got to the prison. OMG I fantasized about how good this meal was going to be...how cold the iced water would be. hahaha That "fantasy" kept me alive | think. When we got to Pocahontas they were more concerned with administering another piss test than anything else. The

"meal" we were promised I fantasized about turned out to be a few packs of soup crackers, a dab of peanut butter, and a 4oz bag of hot apple juice. hahaha I'm laughing now only because I wouldn't believe this if I hadn't lived through it.

When I got to Pocahontas I learned they were on institutional lockdown. We were placed in a "intake pod". It would be a week before I would be allowed to general population. You have nothing in intake. No property no nothing. I was there for a week.

When I got moved to GP I was disheartened to realize I had the bad luck off being stuck in the worst of pods! The phones were all ganged up and the kiosk didn't work. I remember thinking, "I FOUGHT to get off River North FOR THIS?" The expression,

"the grass isn't always greener" is sometimes true in here as it is in life. And sometimes you just have to give things a chance to work themselves out.

In time I got some money from home and was able to order commissary. As my "bad luck" would have it, the week I got here they removed 90 items from the commissary list because they were upgrading this prison to a security level 4 prison. GREAT! I've waited 10 years or more just to drink a soda. Now they were gone. For the time being, PSCC has kept SOME level 3 privileges. I was able to order a long handled toothbrush. hahaha You are probably thinking, "what's a short handled toothbrush?" Well all level 4 prisons and above only offer what they call,

"security toothbrushes". They are basically the size of your thumb. Here now, for the time being, I can order the same kind of toothbrush you use out there. I EVEN had the choice between soft and medium head bristles. hahaha I've been in heaven. I've never brushed my teeth so many times in a I'm determined to enjoy it while it lasts.

Sooner or later some knucklehead here will sharpen and stab someone with the end of their long handled toothbrush and that will be the end of that.

There are a few other things that I can have here for the time being. They sell a fan. I have MISSED a fan blowing on me. The white noise it creates alone is worth the $35 it costs. I ordered a pair of Levi jeans. It's been more than 20 years since l've been able to wear real jeans. I can't wait!!!

It took the administration here 7 WEEKS to give me my property. The SAME property that was shipped with me here back in July I JUST got in September. Crazy!! Frustrating!

I've never read so many books in my life. I finally got my player and my TV and all my clothes and hygiene items. Having my stuff has given me the opportunity to "settle in" somewhat.

But this isn't where I want to be. I have low security level points and they have made this prison a higher level then I currently score.

I'm trying to make it work the best | can but | feel like I'm in limbo. I'm thinking I might be (should be) transferred again. Although when I have talked with my counselors about that they tell me about my "escape attempt".

...which was 20 YEARS ago!! I don't

understand the department of corrections right now.

The director of the Vadoc, Chadwick Dotson has been promoting these incentive style (good behavior) prisons. They refer to them as The Va. Model Prison. It's an initiative that has tried to flood some of the traditionally worst prisons with inmates who have demonstrated years of good behavior.

Basically using positive behavior inmates to clean up "problem prisons"

In July, the director himself sent the Virginia inmate population a memo encouraging participation in one of the 3 new Va. Model prisons. Dir. Dotson issued a recruitment memo. He said things like, "your past doesn't define you your future does". He stated how, "Your behavior will open the door to new opportunities. It's not about being perfect but rather making real effort, owning your actions and moving forward." Man, I about fell out when I read these words. Words of grace, forgiveness, and restoration I have been wanting and needing to hear from the Vadoc for YEARS!!

Dir. Dotson went on to say inmates were eligible for his Va Model incentive prisons if they hadn't had any serious 100 series charge within the last 4 years. His memo went on to define, "serious 100 series" charge by explaining, "no recent drug use and no violent or escape attempt infraction within the 4 years." 4 YEARS!! I've never had a drug infraction. Never had a violent infraction. And my escape attempt was 20 years ago. I feel like I qualify for one of these programs and am currently trying to get to one of them. It would be nice if the Vadoc acknowledged my hard work, progress, and eligibility on their own. I have some kind of alert or "flag" in my prison record that is keeping me from progressing but I'm determined to not let it discourage me. I have to just keep doing the right thing and hope I am eventually "rewarded".

I have recently submitted a petition for clemency. We are asking Mr. Glen Youngkin, the governor of Virginia, to use his executive authority to commute my sentences to

"time served" before he leaves office in January.

I want to put this life in here behind me. I have worked hard to overcome my mistakes and my failures in my life. I have accepted responsibility for the things I've done wrong and for the people I've harmed. I've served a lifetime in prison. I'm a good man with so many aspirations.

I trust in God and His Justice. I'm hopeful He will move on Mr. Youngkin's heart and move him to release me. I'd like to get out, get my rights restored and work with the Vadoc to make corrections work for the people of Virginia. Right now corrections isn't working efficiently. Corrections officials tout low recidivism rates as "success" when it comes to Virginia corrections. But I encourage Virginia citizens to demand accountability for the amount of tax dollars that are being spent on corrections in Virginia. The Vadoc annual budget is somewhere between 6-8 BILLION dollars a year. This number represents roughly 10% of the 64 billion dollar annual state budget for Virginia. Virginia houses 24,000 inmates.

At the cost of 6-8 billion dollars a year. I'd say that isn't a very efficient corrections strategy. l'a like to be a part of some changes that makes good sense and keeps Virginia safe while also restoring offenders back into society that have proven to been reformed and rehabilitated.

Please sign my change.org if you haven't already. Share this website. Communicate with me and let me know what you think of what I share with you.

Thank You

Be Well

Jeffrey Shortal