Managing Disappointment

Despite the fact I’ve had my fair share of disappointments in life, I’d like to think I am an optimistic person. The opposite of hope is despair and I’ve experienced both extremes in my life. I’d much rather live in hope than live in despair.I believe there is a lot to the expression, “life is a matter of perspective”.

I was sharing this with a particularly negative person the other day who insisted some circumstances are bad no matter what your perspective. So I challenged him to give me an example. He said, “Well say you were standing in the middle of a vast garbage dump. For miles and miles all around you was nothing but filthy stinking garbage . No matter your perspective, your situation all around would still be garbage.” My response was, “That’s an easy one. I’d be free and the miles of garbage would be a welcomed obstacle for me.”The whole “life is a matter of perspective” thing sounds real good until you are forced to practice what you preach.

My ability to manage my disappointments was recently put to the test as it has been many many times over the course of my 2 and a half decades of incarceration.

Every year Vadoc inmates have what is called an Annual Review. It’s a review and an evaluation of the last 12 months. Our counselors determine if we have maintained our “treatment plan” and accomplished the goals that were outlined the previous year. The goals are relatively basic. For example, we are expected to remain infraction free, maintain employment, meet educational goals and take whatever programs are available.Our counselors will then do a security level evaluation on us to determine if we meet the criteria for a security level change. This is determined by security level points that are given or taken based on certain criteria. After an annual review the counselor will make a recommendation that the inmate be transferred to a higher security level or to a lower security level. Or sometimes the recommendation is to remain at the current facility because the inmate’s situation has remained unchanged since his last annual review.Virginia has probably 30 prisons and each one has a security level designation ranging from SL-1 very low to SL-5 very high. While there are no “good” prisons, each security level offers a quality of life. I think most would agree, the lower the security level the better quality of life. The food is typically better, there are more “freedoms”, more recreational opportunities and programs. There are less gangs, less violence, less lockdowns and less oppression. Many of these changes between security levels are subtle and you might not understand unless you have served time in prison.For the most of the 25 years of my incarceration I have been serving my time at the highest security level facilities. As many of you who read my blogs are aware, I escaped custody in 2005 while outside the prison being transported for a medical treatment. It was a regrettable and very stupid cry for help that has cost me more than I could ever explain.I was recaptured within 20mins and would spend the next 5 years in super max segregation housing. After being released from solitary confinement, I would spend another 12 years at security level 5 housing. I began to level down even further in 2020 when I was approved for SL-4 housing assignment. Since my escape incident, I have maintained good behavior. I’ve done everything that has been expected of me and I’ve done everything I could to try and distance myself from the worst decision of my life.

This past April I had my annual review and I was thrilled to have been recommended for a lower security level facility. My evaluation showed I met all the criteria for a much lower security level.This recommendation was eventually approved by higher administrative officials within the Department of Corrections and I was packed up to be transferred on June 12th to a lower level. Imagine my excitement. After almost 20 years it appeared to me as if I was finally being allowed to put my escape incident behind me and progress to a relatively better facility.I’m 56 years old and after 25 years of incarceration I realize if I’m ever going to get released from prison I have to try and maintain mental, emotional and physical health. So for the hope of a better quality of life, I was excited to be transferred from this high level facility.Within hours of having all my property packed and sharing the good news with my family I was getting transferred, I was told my transfer was being “put on hold”.

Although no one was telling me why my transfer was stopped and what was going on, instinctively I knew my past was being held against me.

It was frustrating. I began this article talking about how life is often a matter of perspective. It’s also a matter of choices. Unfortunately, our choices follow us throughout our lives, no matter how much time and change we put between the present and the past.

I have been in prison for so long now and I’m aware I’m “institutionalized”. I have seen this condition in so many other inmates over the years that I now see in myself. It’s amazing how many people who have been convicted and sentenced to serve time in prison for breaking the law become SO LAW ABIDING after a certain amount of time in prison. Of course not everyone but for the most part guys who have been in prison for 20 years or more are the most disciplined and well behaved inmates.

Show me the rules and the policies the Department of Corrections has outlined and I feel like I have the “playbook” of what’s expected of me. Not only what’s expected of me but also what the Vadoc has established is expected of them. “Policy”…rules…laws… are the fabric of any civilized society in and out of prison. The Department of Transportation paints lines on the roads and most people drive within them.

I expected to be approved for a transfer to a lower security level facility because according to policy I met ALL the criteria for a transfer. I have been infraction free for years. I have maintained employment and completed many educational and program goals. I have very low security level points and have put almost 2 decades of good behavior between today and an old escape incident. In fact, there is absolutely nothing in all of the Vadoc’s policies that preclude me from being housed at a lower security level. I meet the criteria for a SL-1 facility. However, I was only approved for a SL-3 prison which I was all too happy to be transferred to.

Life has taught me no one likes a “smart ass know it all” and that could not be more true in prison. The administration DOES NOT like any of us to know and especially quote their own policies back to them. Knowing this, I try to be very careful. I’ve seen countless acts of retaliation against inmates who “push the issues” too much and too far. There is a fine line here between knowing your rights and pushing to make sure you get your rights.

So I patiently waited for answers as to why my transfer was put on hold. My family called and emailed the prison and the Department of Corrections. They received no response. Finally, I was told by prison administration that my security level 3 was approved but I would not be transferred until next year. When I respectively quoted policy and how this is NOT in accordance with any policy it didn’t seem to matter. I’m told to “keep doing what I’m doing” and I’ll be transferred after my next annual review in 2025.

It was and continues to be such a disappointment. I work hard to stay out of trouble. To avoid the gang and the drug culture and to follow the rules. I study the Vadoc policies so that I can follow them and so that I can hold the powers that be to their own policies. But at the end of the day they do what they want. They have very unfairly and arbitrarily deviated from their own policies. They have put on “hold” what was previously approved and are keeping me at a higher security level facility despite, I meet ALL the criteria for a lower security level facility.

When I realized I wasn’t going to be transferred I had to find a way to manage my disappointment. To practice what I preach about life being a matter of perspective.

Being approved to transfer to a lower security level was in many ways a symbolic “victory” for me. It felt like a win over the consequences of my past choices. It felt like maybe just maybe the Department of Corrections was “forgiving” me. It felt like maybe it was the beginning of even better things to come. After 25 years in prison, I would prefer to be getting excited about being released from prison and not just getting transferred to a lower security level prison.

So my perspective on this has been that 2025 is right around the corner. Hopefully, the 2025 General Assembly will be able to advance the justice reform agenda they began earlier this year. I’m looking forward to the possibility the Second Look act will be voted into law and or parole will become an option. I will be 57 in April and will have served 26 years in prison…I hope to be considered for geriatric parole eligibility. I continue to explore my post conviction options.

I try to manage my mental and emotional health. I try to eat as healthy as possible and exercise when I can. I pray and ask God to move on the hearts and minds of those in power to give me mercy.

I have tried to remain optimistic and consider the fact, at least I’m in a fairly good housing unit here at this prison. I have a caretaker job that blesses me with the opportunity to take care of an elderly inmate who is also my cell partner. Maybe if I was transferred he would not have the care, dignity and respect I give him.

Sometimes I think I will be crushed under the weight of life’s disappointments. I keep getting knocked down but keep trying to find a way to get back up.

I wish I had better problems. I was recently talking to a guard who was telling me his many problems. Real problems that I in no way wanted to minimize or fail to acknowledge. However, I couldn’t help but think and gently tell him, “life is often a matter of perspective and I’d give anything for your problems.”

I think he appreciated the reminder that it could be worse. I suppose I have to remind myself things could be worse. We all have to manage life’s disappointments.

I am optimistic today that things will get better. I have that hope in this moment and that is keeping despair away…for now.

Thanks for listening.

Take care and God bless

Jeffrey Shortal